Forbearance: Grace

A couple of days ago I stopped off at my mailbox to pick up my mail after being gone for a few days. Although the majority was junk mail that I tossed into the recycle bin nearby, a couple of envelopes I shoved under my arm to open and look at later. Once I had flipped the lights on and laid my things down I began flipping through the mail I had saved. One piece in particular was a reminder of my student loans, those that can currently be under forbearance due to the fact that I am still in graduate school. Typically I open this piece of mail, glance at the page in front of me, and then it gets tossed right into the garbage can. For some reason, at this moment, a short little five-letter word caught my attention.

GRACE

The page stated,

Requested: Forbearance, Type: Grace.

My forbearance type was grace.

I had other things to do so the thought was fleeting.

However, several hours later that word “grace” popped back into my head. Interested to see what the “definition” of grace would be, as determined by dictionary.com, I looked it up. Grace means (according to dictionary.com, not myself), “elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.”

Ugh, my heart sank, not even a miniscule attempt at interjecting Biblical truth into defining a word that can only truly be defined through a Biblical interpretation.

I’ve thought about this quite a lot over the past few days, thinking of how the world has misinterpreted and incorrectly defined the meaning of grace. In fact, based on my limited Biblical knowledge I think the worldly definition of grace is quite the opposite of the Biblical definition of this word.

In short, I think of grace as God’s favor on people.

However, if you’ve ventured on this road of serving God and loving people, you’ve probably experienced the opposite of what the world defines as grace. Grace, although ultimately good, is not always extended in an elegant fashion, with great form or manner. In fact, grace can be a nitty gritty, dirt under your fingernails kind of thing.

I have though of several times in my own life when I felt God’s grace the most. Let me just say, those times were not at grand masquerades or balls. Instead, those extensions of grace were most felt when life was just plain tough. Those moments when I caught myself asking, “why?” (If God has a pet peeve, I imagine it to be the word why and probably entirely because of me. J) In those times when I wondered, how did I end up here in life?

Ultimately, if we’re thinking eternally here, I guess the world’s definition of grace has some truth. When we reach Heaven’s gates, that’s when we will see and experience that worldly definition of grace. There, in Heaven, we will know elegance and great form.

Until then, I’m simply relying on God’s nitty gritty grace, to keep me digging my way out of the trenches.

 

Heaven is FOR REAL

     While standing at the checkout line at a random store I never expected the topic of Heaven to arise. Two older ladies were in front of me discussing something that only “their generation” would remember. Not being from “their generation”, I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about, no surprise to them. We’ll call them, Lady 1 and Lady 2. Lady 1 said, with the endearing southern lady drawl, “well honey” to begin the comment, “I’m certainly older than you.” Lady 2, being equally the southern lady, “not a chance honey.” Lady 1 stated that she is 79 (and in all honesty I would have never guessed that, she looked in her early to mid sixties if I were guessing). Lady 2 commented, “well, you have me beat by a little, seventeen years to be exact.” Then, the conversation took a turn. Lady 2 (the younger of the two women) said, “If being your age gets to me closer to Heaven, then I’d trade you any day.” Lady 2 then turned to me and said, “I’m not going to do anything crazy, but I recently lost my husband and I certainly miss him.” I simply said, “makes you long for Heaven a little more?” She eagerly said, “Oh yes! Longing for Heaven is what I do.” This brief, slightly humorous, turned sad but hopeful, conversation was such a gift. I loved the opportunity to meet someone who longed for Heaven, because for her, Heaven is For Real! She does not long for Heaven because she thinks it is some far off figment of her imagination, instead she longs for a place that is REAL. I have said before, I long for Heaven because my grandparents are there, no doubt, my sweet grandma still wearing her red pumps, her heaven would certainly require those. My grandfather, he’s likely still bragging about meeting our wonderful Mary Emily before he went to join my grandmother. I simply love that Heaven is FOR REAL. 

#joinmethere #countmein #mycuprunnethover

A Calling to Serve

     Just over 2 weeks ago I climbed into a Uhaul truck and left a place if you had told me I would have ever lived, I would have told you something was majorly wrong with you. I’m rarely frightened by adventure and this was no different. This adventure took me to rural southeastern Montana to teach in a one-room schoolhouse and live, quite literally, in the middle of nowhere. But in that nowhere I learned a lot. In that nowhere, I found somewhere and something. That nowhere will forever be a huge part of my life story, but more than that place, the people in that place are what shaped my time there most dramatically.

     When making friends in the Miles City area I often got the question, when are you not in a Bible study? I immersed myself in every Bible study opportunity I found when I first arrived. Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday morning, Friday night, Sunday morning, and Sunday night, all were filled with immersing myself in the gospel with different groups of people. Each of these groups served as great friendship and fellowship during my time in Montana. When I decided to follow the lead that I felt God had placed on my life to yet again, try something new, go some place different I prayed a lot about the pace of life. I like to be doing something and going somewhere all the time. I knew that this place might provide for a different experience but also a challenging situation for me. My prayers focused on asking God to not allow the slower pace of life to not drive me crazy, but instead, to provide uninterrupted time to draw closer to Him. I had no clue how He would provide this in such a big way.

     Through all of those Bible studies I mentioned above I met many people, seeking Christ wholeheartedly. The diversity in the people I spent time in fellowship with was pretty extreme, starting with a ranching family that allowed me to come watch TV with them almost nightly (especially during my first few months there). Another family that spent time as missionaries in Afghanistan before calling Montana home. A family with four children that they homeschooled, who seemed to teach me a farming lesson every Friday night at Bible study. (I learned a lot!) A family that opened up their home and their hearts to me, not just every Thursday night, but nearly every weekend and several nights in between. Along with a host of friends who frequented the Chinese restaurant with me or took me to see interesting places throughout southern Montana.

     Over the past few weeks, and after a year of diving into the gospel, I have become more in love with my Savior. Through that love my desire to serve Him grows. I know that God has a calling on my life, although daily I struggle to know exactly what that is or what that looks like. I try diligently to follow his will and not be fearful of the future but as a human I have to consistently remind myself that He is in control and He will handle all of the itty bitty details.

     I write this to say….I am by no means a perfect human, just ask my mom. I fail daily, yet He still offers me grace. One of my biggest struggles is extending grace to my own family. However, if I desire to serve Him more, I must daily surrounded these situations and circumstances to Him, in humble obedience and desire to be more Christlike daily. 

     I’ve found in the past days and weeks that God is focusing my thoughts on service. He is calling me to serve Him. I keep thinking way to “out of control” big for the moment (my typical line of thinking) and I find God shrinking me back and asking me to take baby steps. For example, in the past few weeks/days I feel as though everywhere I’ve walked there has been trash at my feet. With every piece of trash I feel the spirit nudging me, saying, this is one itty bitty way you can have a servants heart. If you know me, you know this is a BIG deal. I am not a fan of germs, so the fact that God is asking me to pick up trash, is not my favorite thing. However, if this is one way I can show a servants heart then bring me a garbage bag.

Just today, I knew God was nudging me in another situation. A peppy blonde lady was the cashier in my line at Wal-Mart. She said the normal, “How are you today?” But, that was not the end of the conversation. We began talking and I mentioned that I had just moved to the area and was there anything fun around that she would recommend doing? Her immediate response was, I’m not sure, and then she fumbled around a little and said there are some things in a specific area that you would probably enjoy. I knew where her thoughts were going, young person, single, party, bar hopping, etc. After a momentary pause I knew God was directing me to speak up about my faith and how those were not the types of activities I was most interested in. So, I simply said, do you go to church in the area? Her eyes lit up and within 2 minutes, I not only had an invite to church but an introduction to her and an invitation to join her and her family at a local church. God. Is. Good.

Moving to a new city is not an easy task, from the physical challenges of packing up everything you own and traveling over 2,000 miles to simply making new friends and finding a church home. However, in humble adoration of all that God has allowed me to see and experience along my journey, I will embrace the journey and seek out God’s will for my time here.

Even as I sit writing this at a Barnes and Noble, there are two young girls sitting at the table in front me. I found myself stopping to pray several times, as I have no idea what their topic of conversation is but I hear words and language that is shattering. God, grip them with your grace.

FAQs on Montana

I’ll call this FAQ’s with a little unwanted information. Since moving to Montana my inbox and Facebook messages have been flooded with questions about my life here, some I have responded to, others I have not. So, here are a few facts for you.

1.     Why did you move to Montana?

The long story or the short? The short story is, I have interest in getting my Ph.D. in rural education development and this is my way of seeing if that is something I am really interested in investing in studying.

The long story is….I crave adventure! For those of you who know my family, you likely know my older brother. He’s lived his own sort of adventure and throughout my life I’ve heard the words “you should write a book.” However, the main character of that book would be my brother. Granted, the book might likely be worthy of the New York Times Bestsellers list, but having to be his little sister made me crave my own adventure. We are adventurous in our own (extremely different) ways but we both have the craving to see and do things that others would never dream of. After growing up in the same small town, in the same house, with a few vacations here and there I could not wait to begin my own journey. That journey began as I completed high school and went away to college and hasn’t really stopped since. And there you have it, that crazy desire for adventure landed me in rural southeastern Montana. Of course, there’s more to the story but more of that will come below.

2.     What exactly do you do?

How do I even begin to explain? Here’s a rough idea of what I do. I live and teach at a one-room schoolhouse in rural southeastern Montana. Little House on the Prairie? There are a few similarities. I have nine students (I use to have 11). My students range from kindergarten through eighth grade. Here’s the breakdown:

      Kindergarten – 2 students

      2^nd grade – 3 students

      3^rd grade – 1 student

      4^th grade – 2 students

      8^th grade – 1 student

      (& I use to have a sixth and seventh grader.)

On one side of my classroom is a door that leads to a coat room/art supply closet/cafeteria area (by cafeteria area I mean a refrigerator, microwave, and a set of drawers with utensils and dinnerware). On the other side of my classroom is a door that leads directly into what is called the “teacherage”. This “teacherage” is where I live. This door leads from my classroom into my living room. In fact, I live at my school.

3.     How do you teach more than one grade level at a time?

This is the question that all my teacher friends seem to want to know the answer too. First, flexibility is an absolute requirement and multi-tasking is essential. Our morning starts with time together, since my students don’t have numerous classmates and enjoy working together I try to give them opportunities daily to interact with one another academically. After our calendar/morning work time they all begin going their separate ways. Each student begins every subject with a review, which we call “Daily’s.” Typically my second graders finish first, so then I get them started on their task for that subject, then I move to third, then fourth, then eighth. We do not always move along in that order, like I said, flexibility is key. For those who are wondering, I make approximately 16 lesson plans per day, equaling approximately 64 lessons per week. I rarely get bored. I do have an aid, she is my frequent life saver. My kindergarten students come only two days per week. My aid typically spends all of Tuesday and Thursday working with our kindergarten students. On Monday’s and Wednesday’s she assists with any and everything. School is from 8A.M. to 4P.M. Monday through Thursday, and we do not have school on Friday’s. (This is super helpful for me to be able to accomplish anything in town.)

4.     Where do you live?

As my brother and I drove out to my house when he came to visit in November, he gawked along the gravel road and mumbled several times, “I had no idea.” No matter how much I explain this question, I cannot fully give you an idea of where I live. For most people, it’s just too far from what they can imagine. But, here’s my best shot. I live 34 miles from the nearest town (that’d be Miles City). Seventeen of those miles are along a two-lane highway. The other seventeen miles are on a gravel road. In this entire stretch you could count the number of houses that you pass on two hands. The nearest gas station takes me approximately (on days when the roads are good, i.e. not winter) 45 minutes to get to. Miles City, Montana has approximately 8,000 people; the entire town has a smaller population than my church has members in Lexington, Kentucky. The nearest Starbucks is almost 3 hours away in Billings, Montana, as well as all reasonable shopping options. (Who would’ve thought I could handle that?)

5.     What do you like about living there?

I like that I know my students and their families. I know what they like and don’t like, I know their families, their pets and their friends. I like that I get the opportunity to invest in student’s lives and not just in their education or test scores.

I love that my prayer after making the decision to come here was to not let the slower pace of life drive my crazy, but instead use it to grow closer to God. I can’t say there haven’t been struggles here, there are days when I miss being able to drive one mile to walk around Target. However, I have tried to use ever ounce of my time devouring the word of God. He has placed people in my life that challenge me to dive deeper, teach me through their own faith and beliefs, and offer all that they have to serve others (me included).

6.     What do you NOT like about living there?

Burning garbage is one of my least favorite jobs here. There is no garbage service (in fact we only get mail service three days a week). Although I have adjusted to having to burn garbage, I miss the convenience of city living. I always had this perplexing idea that I was a “country girl” or the idea that people assumed that is who I was. Wow, was I wrong. I miss the city.

Winter. Need I say more? Winter is not fun. Need I remind you that I live 17 miles down a gravel road? Or that roads are NOT regularly scraped here by snowplows?

I really like variety, whether that be in stores, restaurants or activities, and I find that there is not much of that here. I miss being able to have a plethora of options available within five minutes. Or simply having something delivered.

Amid all of that, the hardest part of living here is not being able to be Aunt Shannon so much. I miss my sweet princess. The past 3 years of being Aunt Shannon have been the biggest delight of my life, not seeing that sweet girl makes my heart hurt many a days. However, I trust that God surrounds her with people daily who love her as much as I do and that as much I want to be a part of her life, she doesn’t need me. I simply hope that someday, when she’s a bit older, that she will want to come visit me, wherever I might be by then.

7.     How long are you staying in Montana?

And that my friends is the cliffhanger. J

Should you have any more questions, please feel free to ask. J

Preg Testing Cows & Learning about Jesus

As a teacher, one of my objectives in my own classroom is to ensure that I take advantage of “teachable moments” as they arise in my classroom. To be fair, I try to take on the same thought process in my own life. I find it peculiar how God chooses to speak to me some days and yesterday was one of those days.

            Living in Montana has been an interesting change for my life. Although I grew up in what I would consider a rural area I have come realize that Montana is much more rural than anywhere I have ever lived. On top of that, I have learned that I have fully adjusted to living in a more urban area over the past few years of my life. Even so, God has chosen this rural way of life to teach me a lot about my life, my desires, and Him.

Yesterday I was at a neighbors ranch while they were administering pregnancy tests on a couple hundred cows. They had informed me this activity should be a part of my “Montana experience.” I was by no means certain this should be a part of any “experience.” But, I followed along. As I sat there watching each cow being herded  down a narrow chute, into a contraption (I have no clue what that device is called.) that would hold them in place while the veterinarian had the not so pleasant job of seeing if each female cow is currently carrying a baby, my mind drifted off to other places. As the cows are herded through the narrow chute they are slightly perturbed. At the end of the chute is the contraption that they must stand enclosed in while the vet checks to see if they are pregnant, a couple of vaccines are given, and information is noted on each individual cow. When they reach this contraption, just beyond one end they can see freedom. Each cow tries to run through this contraption, while the vet quickly closes the gate and traps the cow within it to check her out.

Astonishingly enough I found this to be a lot like our Christian walk. There are times when we have come through a narrow tunnel in life, a challenging place, one where we are poked and prodded, then we see the light at the end of the tunnel and want to run! Run for freedom, run to escape the challenges we have been facing, just run! Then, a door slams, right in front of our face, trapping us inside. Or so we think. However, I believe, it is then, in that little tiny amount of time, where God closes a door, before allowing us to see the light at the end of the tunnel, where He is saying, not yet. Not just yet, you aren’t ready, you haven’t learned your lesson, you are going to miss the point, something, just not yet. If we rush through those moments or phases, simply focused on what’s at the other end of that tunnel, we can miss an important lesson. A lesson that God fully intended us to learn through all of that poking and prodding we faced along that narrow chute. Sometimes we are too busy worrying about what’s on the other side, who is going first, or what is behind us (and cows are too) to stop, learn our lesson, and then keep going. When we make it through that challenge, it is then that God can reveal to us the light at the end of the tunnel. The sun we are now not only seeing, but appreciating, following our challenge.

Yesterday was certainly a step outside of my normal, but one in where I did not want to miss what God intended for me to learn. So, as I face challenging situations and circumstances I will simply realize that maybe the light isn’t for me yet, maybe it’s just a reminder to stop and listen to the poking and prodding so I can enjoy the light when I get there.

I  also called my mom last night to inform her of another first I’d had yesterday. That first would be, cow manure on my clothing. I don’t suggest it; it’s not too lovely. J

Be Blessed!