Although I’m not a parent, I feel as though I got a brief
glimpse of what parenting might be like. For those who know him and I, you know
that I’ve learned several valuable life lessons from my older brother. This
past Sunday at Church I learned a lot and laughed a little, both at and with
him.
Michael has been fortunate to have lots of family and family
friends willing and able to care for his daughter for the past two years. I
asked him to join me for Church this Sunday and he did. We discussed on our way
there whether we’d keep Mary Emily with us or have her go to nursery. I could
tell from the conversation he wasn’t too keen on the idea of nursery. He
mentioned that she’d been to nursery at another church but I knew even walking
in the door he wasn’t certain about leaving her there. Finally we decided for
us to hear and understand the sermon it would probably be best if she went to
nursery. As I prayed that he’d attend Church with me in the past few weeks, I
prayed God would provide no obstacles in him hearing a message that he needed.
Mary Emily is absolutely not an obstacle, just a busy lady who needs and
deserves our undivided attention. As we signed her in I could tell the
fidgeting was beginning. If you know a Marshall, you know our nerves show through
fidgeting quite prevalently. We walked in and I told him I was going to escape
quickly and for him to come when he could, trying to make the process of
dropping her off as easy for her as possible.
He didn’t take forever to escape, but the second he walked
out the door he turned to the window. He turned to the window and stood there,
and stood there, . . . and stood there. I finally insisted that we were going
to miss church if we didn’t move along. As we walked away, I asked what made it
so hard? He just said, “She doesn’t need me and I want her to need me.” I
giggled a little inside at how this crazy, I’ll do anything boy, was struggling
to leave his two year old in a room with great Godly women for an hour. To say
I wasn’t feeling a little trepidation would be a complete lie. I wasn’t having
the exact same feelings but I didn’t feel completely at ease either. However, I
knew that if I didn’t show confidence there might be a bawling pile of adults
in the middle of the nursery hallway.
I’ve thought of these events several times over the past few
days. Prayed for my brother, as fatherhood will be its own set of struggles,
heartaches, joy, love, and challenge for him. Then I thought of my Father. My
heavenly father.
I don’t think that leaving Mary Emily in the church nursery
was a bad idea at all, if I did I wouldn’t dare have done it. But as I
contemplated those events in my mind God brought a thought to me. Anytime I
turn into a room or walk through a door full of the unknown and surrounding
myself with people whom I don’t know, God is standing at the window. When I
surround my life with those whose hearts I don’t know and seek comfort and
attention from those I know nothing of, God is standing at the window. God is
standing at the window, looking in and saying “WANT ME! NEED ME!” He wants me
to want Him! He wants me to need Him!
This simple task of dropping off my niece at the Church
nursery, seeing my brother’s nerves frazzled and knowing the pace of my own
heartbeat at that moment, was a simple reminder that God wants me to want him.
God wants me to be consumed with him.
Michael will never know all of the lessons God has taught me
through him, but I’m certainly grateful the Lord allows me to call him brother.
